Like A Star
by Summoner Luna
Summary: They weren't going there to save her...they were going to say goodbye. [In game, City of the Ancients, Tifa's POV]


This was written awhile back for the fanfic100 LJ community...I don't normally write in first person, but it somehow seemed appropriate for this one.

Standard disclaimer applies...and if you still need a spoiler warning...spoilers for City of the Ancients events.

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I think I somehow knew it was the last time I would see her. At the time, she wasn't even the one saying goodbye, but when she ran to Cloud and grabbed his arm, asking Cait for one last fortune, my normal jealousy and regret over her interaction with Cloud was replaced by a suffocating sense that the situation before me was reversed. Though it was Cait who was leaving, somehow I knew he would be back, and she would not.

I don't know why I got that feeling. There was no indication that Sephiroth was nearby, and I definitely wouldn't have expected him to control Cloud into handing him the black materia—but in that room, it seemed so clear.

Therefore, when we approached that awful, haunting place, I knew we weren't going to save her—we were going to say goodbye.

Watching her on that altar was like looking through a transparent film, invisible and unbreakable. There was a hazy, dreamlike glow encircling her. She was more beautiful than anything I'd ever seen, as though she had already become one of the flowers she had once sold, rare and stunning, completely out of place in her dark, grim surroundings. It broke my heart. I wanted to push some button or cast a spell that would somehow dissolve that opaque barrier, I wanted to run through it and pull her back into the normal world, the world where we stood watching her—the living world.

As we stood there, I watched Cloud begin to approach her, watched him enveloped by the gauzy prison she kneeled in, and wondered why he wasn't moving faster.

_Go on,_ I thought. _Take her. Save her._ Another step. _Please, Cloud._ His sword. _What are you doing?_ He raised his arms—"Cloud!"

I briefly heard my voice ring out before everything stopped—everything outside of the haze, everything but Him. Down, down—I wanted to scream, to run up to her and take her place, but I was completely frozen. I watched her fall, and slowly began to sense the space around me. My voice still echoed in the tomb. Somewhere I thought I heard something that sounded like the cold ding of stone, but I couldn't break my gaze from that horrible scene.

The haze was gone.

Then suddenly, I couldn't see. I wanted to cry, to scream, to run away or run ahead—but more than anything, I wanted to tear Sephiroth apart—to destroy him for what he had done.

I had never felt this before, this raw hatred mixed with overwhelming guilt and unimaginable grief. I was angry with myself for ever envying her—I had loved her, considered her dearer than sister—but had always envied (_envied!)_ her ease and bluntness in expressing herself, especially with Cloud. I was mad at Cloud for letting her go—for ever taking her with him when they first met, and for not openly falling in love with her, as I was stupidly convinced that would have saved her—a lifetime of losing him to her could never have matched the pain of losing her to Sephiroth. I was angry with Avalanche for our ridiculous notions of heroism that started this whole mission, and as I thought of Avalanche, I thought of ShinRa, hating them more than ever for seeking her out, for not destroying Jenova completely when they had the chance, and for sponsoring Jenova research and allowing Hojo to perform the experiments that created Sephiroth.

Sephiroth. Everything I had ever lost that I had truly cared about, he had taken from me.

I heard Cloud shouting. I didn't know what he was saying, just that I had never heard his voice in so much pain, and I felt myself running, blinded with hate and grief, to the monster in a black cape. There were footsteps behind me and a flash up ahead and as the smoke cleared, I met Cloud's gaze, saw him staring at me so helplessly he couldn't actually see me, and my heart broke for a second time. I wanted to join him in his despair, collapse in his arms and weep until we both melted away, but for him, I knew I had to be strong. I reached out and grabbed his hand, helping him to stand as I knew he couldn't do it on his own. His gaze fell, and lingered on the body beside us, the body that had once held a person so full of life that the glow of existence still flickered across her, in contrast to the monster that loomed before us, alive, but reeking of death. Then I could feel suddenly explode within him the same anger that I felt, and he turned to me with his gaze as hard as the blade he now held poised—his eyes looked like blue fire. And we fought, all of our vengeance and hate poured into the furious element of battle.

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I've always kind of felt Tifa's reaction to Aerith's death is seriously underplayed in the fandom...I see these girls as having been very close, with a friendly rivalry where Cloud was concerned...but I think they were friends before anything else, so for Tifa losing one of the only female friends she's had in her entire life would shake her up quite a bit...but anyway, thanks for reading! 


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